There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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