Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
