My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize