summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
