My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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