I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
