awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
