Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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