He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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