dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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