I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Drake has all the answers
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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