Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
