the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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