It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
