So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
