NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
