You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
