I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My dick has a subreddit
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
