I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Alive.
So much puke
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
