I didn't shave. On purpose
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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