Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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