I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Drunk is a universal language darling
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