He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
