do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
