we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
