So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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