You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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