i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
