he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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