i permit you to call me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
