I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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