Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
