Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
