I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
