Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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