Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
