i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
