how do flat chested girls get laid?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
