he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
