I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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