I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's just like the Real World with babies
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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