Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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