Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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