And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
