im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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