UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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