I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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