I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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