Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
