can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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