You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
third nipple confirmed
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
