Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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