Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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