Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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