bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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