I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
