he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
