I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
