honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
