i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
