So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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