so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
